"Really? Is this really happening to me?"

So my life doesn't always go like I see it in my head.  Do you ever picture yourself in a false reality?  Like sometimes I wake up and feel graceful and then I fall down the stairs. Reality.  I feel like someone once called me a "walking disaster."  Although extreme, I've embraced that I'm not always the most smooth person.

I feel like this missing the mark of perfection is sold to us everywhere.  For example I made these cookies the other day with the kids I babysit.

THIS is how they really turn out. 

WAY worse than cookies. One day this summer I was playing beach volleyball and placed my water in the shade underneath a light post.  A safe place right?  wrong. There was a huge hawk sitting on the light post.  Do you see where this is going?  I was minding my own business and all the sudden poop all over me.  We are not talking a little blue bird's poop.  All the people I was with of course burst into laughter and proceeded to tell me it was in my hair, on my face, on my shirt, and on my arm.  They made me change shirts so they wouldn't smell me.  Have YOU ever been pooped on by a bird?  Yeah well that was my third time.   I know what you're thinking: What is wrong with you?  

You know I could trip over a stick and owe it to my clumsiness. I could fail a test and owe it to my lack of discipline or intelligence.  But somehow being defecated on by a bird is one of the most demoralizing feelings and yet it has nothing to do with my abilities.  How can something so out of my control make me feel more like a loser than anything else I've ever experienced.  Oh the power of poo.  

Lastly, I got locked in a bathroom stall today.  The door jammed and I seriously could not unlock it.  So I waited until everyone left and yes....I crawled under the stall to flee to safety and pray no one walked in while I was Army crawling on the disgusting public bathroom.  You do what you got to do. 

I don't know how suave your life is, but this is mine.  Obviously, not so suave.